DJ Webb of www.webbentertainment.com has currently lost his web site due to financial problems. Mr. Webb told us, "Money is tight now man, and I gotta cut something. I did keep the spring water cooler though." Since Mr. Webb has been DJ-ed many of Chook Industries best bashes, an abbreviated version of the old webbentertainment web site will be hosted on www.chook.net in the near future. Chook would encourage it's employees to consider hiring Mr. Webb for any of their personal functions since Mr. Webb has so well served Chook Industries in the past. If you would like to email DJ Webb, you can reach him at Thomas.Webb@washcoll.edu.

Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) Issue and Temporary Cancellation of Chainmail Express: On Tuesday, Rita Hastead, newly hired post-woman of the Chainmail Express, led the head front in opposition unfair treatment surrounding the Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) and the placement of pails in the female facilities. She had declared the circumstances as "unfair, sexist and unconstitutional" and Larry Snow as a "big fat idiot". Another of Chook Industries female employees, Laura Hadaway, Head of the Legal Department, commented on the issue. "I don't really see the big deal. Sure the pails are a pain, but I've urinated into a coke bottle in a moving van before. Pissing is pissing in the end, it doesn't matter where you do it." Rita Hastead has since resigned her position as post woman of the Chainmail Express. As such Chainmail Express will temporarily not be in operation. Until otherwise notified, all internal mail will be processed through the shipping department by the Wooten Brothers. Jim Shooter said he was sure that Larry Snow was upset that Rita had resigned. Larry has yet to release an official comment concerning the matter.

The scanner is to be used for work related activities only. Whoever made the following scan, please stop by Jim Shooter's office to collect your toys; you left them on the scanner. Let this be a warning.

Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) system problems: Further complaints have come from female members of staff who feel that they are being unfairly treated in the bathroom debit passkey (BDP) issue. On Monday pails were placed in female facilities for the purpose of urination. Reactions have been that such measures are unconstitutional, extreme and sexist. Newly hired employee, Rita Hastead of the Chainmail Express, commented, "I'll piss in the Goddamn sink if I want too!!! And if that Larry Snow thinks I'm putting my d-cups in a chainmail bikini, he has another thing coming!" Larry Snow has since withdrawn his suggestion from the executive board of having Rita Hastead wear a chainmail bikini.

Bathroom Debit Passkeys (BDP): Numerous complaints have come from staff about the installation of bathroom debit passkey (BDP) system. Unfortunately bathroom debit fees will continue to be collected. All money raised from bathroom debit passkey (BDP) system goes to buying new toiletries and creating better, safer toilet facilities. Chook Industries does apologize for accidentally overlooking that complimentary urinal use did not extend to female staff who must pay for all visits to the bathroom. Since the debit systems have already been set up, there is nothing that can be done about this problem at this time other than the placement of pails in the women's facilities. All female staff will be asked however to only use these pails for urination. Once used, pails are to be immediately dumped off Chook Industries premises so that facilities stay fresh. Once again we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Mail Dilemma: Starting April 24th all employees will now receive internal mail through the Chainmail Express. Such measures had to be taken because the previous mail dilemma was never solved. The good news is in addition to Clocky, the mail sorting robot, Rita Hastead has been hired to deliver all mail that goes through the Chainmail Express. In spirit of good fun, Larry Snow suggested that Rita wear a chainmal bikini as sort of pun upon the Chainmail Express name. This will be voted on in the executive meeting sometime next week.

In the future please do not send faxes to NASA.

Employee Seminar "Robots in Disguise" 3/29/00: Due to the recent scare with spy cams found in the women's bathroom, all Chook Employees are all invited to attend the business seminar, "Robots in Disguise". All employees are encouraged to attend and participate in this fun and informative day. The talk will kick off with Tanya Senica's paper, "What does it mean to have a secure work place?" Finally the seminar will end will with the unveiling of Clocky, the Official Chook Industries robot.

Mail Dilemma: Because the author of the mail to Lucille was never found, employee mail will no longer be picked up at the mailboxes because Chook is no longer using the U.S. Postal Service for mail. Only outgoing mail, parcels, etc., from the shipping department will be routed through the U.S. Postal Service. In the meantime Chook Industries will be looking into alternative mail systems and possibly setting up it's own privatized mail system.

The Book of the Month has been declared. Sex, by Madonna. Selected by Bjorn Carlson.

Last month's fiscal report is available upon request. Contact Jim Shooter if you have further questions.

Mail Inquiries: If you wrote the following mail will please contact Laura Hadaway or Kurt Watson as soon as possible. Letter Follows - (Note - For purposes of authenticity, spelling and grammar has been left uncorrected):

Lucille, do I know you? I used to go to the same school. I guess you are Jon's bud, he is nice guy. Maybe we meet and you can party with me. I Like long walks and hot dogs, my mom make good hot dogs. Many time we get sick and mom get mad after she helps dad make his hot dog hot. I love to talk but got much love to give out; i make sure i save a Hot dog for you

Pass Key Notice: Upper Management has received numerous complaints about the installation of the bathroom pass keys on 2/4/00 before the pass key meeting to discuss said installation on 2/5/00. Larry Snow has issued the following comment concerning the matter, "Look I just do what I am told. The fact of the matter is that two days before the pass key meeting was to be held our phone operatives received a very threatening phone call that said, 'Spy Cams, Spy Cams'. Since I know that Chook Industries puts the employee first, I feel it necessary to mention at this time that Chook has no need to spy on its workers to make sure they aren't playing Win-solitaire. I am sure that the cameras in the women's bathroom were the work of an industrious pervert whom we will eventually capture and prosecute accordingly. Chad Tulak is investigating the matter as we speak." Jim Shooter would further like to add to Larry's comments an apology for any employee inconvenience. We would appreciate your patience and cooperation at this time.

The padlock on the microwave has been removed since the Baby Ruth vandalism has finally stopped.

The Book of the Month has been declared. MLA Handbook, 5th ed., by Joseph Gibaldi. Selected by William Brazil.