Baby Ruth Update:
Chook Industries is very aware that sometimes it sounds all to parenting in tone
when talking to employees. So much of the time it is only scolding, and never
saying "Job well done". Well, Chook would like to say, "Job well done" for the
cessation of the Baby Ruth pranks involving
the microwave that were all the rage some time ago. This is a mark of maturity.
Baby Ruth is a good company, who
makes a good candy bar, and although their web site is still not up 16 months
after its scheduled opening, this is a company that Chook Industries stands
behind and would encourage its own employees to write and convey its sentiments
too if and when their web site does open. The executive staff does apologise to
general staff for not saying something sooner. For a change the tables are
turned. All this was brought to executive staff's attention the other day when
an email came into Chook Industries concerning the Baby Ruth
issue. Obviously an outside party had read the Employee BBS and thought that such activities were
still going on. They are not, and we are proud to be able to say that they
aren't. Please read the message below. To protect privacy, the email addresses
"to" and "from" have been withheld. In closing, "Job well done."
Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 11:53:26 -0500
From: user <email@example.com>
Subject: Baby Ruth
Shut up and get a life.
Employee Web Space Notice: The other day an employee, whose name will remain
undisclosed, asked if they could use Chook Web Space to post information about
their personal religion. This is fine, but the problem was that the employee
wanted to copyright some of the words of their God. This is very problematic
because it becomes attached to Chook Industries since it is on our web space.
Therefore in the future, if any employee posts a page that is religiously
oriented, we would ask that you not "copyright", "trademark" or "patent" the word
of your God or Gods. This is what Geocities is for.
For Sale: Popular Mechanics Magazines: These issues are from 1987 to 1989. The
1987 year is not complete, it is missing two issues. The condition of the
magazines is fair. A couple of them are a little beat up. Price: $35.00
(although this would be negotiable somewhat). Please contact TJ.
Every year people are killed by riptide over Easter Weekend. If you go surfing,
be sure to use the buddy system. Have a safe and pleasant holiday.
DJ Webb of www.webbentertainment.com has
currently lost his web site due to financial problems. Mr. Webb told us, "Money
is tight now man, and I gotta cut something. I did keep the spring water
cooler though." Since Mr. Webb has been DJ-ed many of Chook Industries best
bashes, an abbreviated version of the old webbentertainment web site will be
hosted on www.chook.net in the near future. Chook would
encourage it's employees to consider hiring Mr. Webb for any of their personal
functions since Mr. Webb has so well served Chook Industries in the past.
If you would like to email DJ Webb, you can
reach him at Thomas.Webb@washcoll.edu.
Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) Issue and Temporary Cancellation of Chainmail Express: On Tuesday,
Rita Hastead, newly hired post-woman of the Chainmail Express, led the head front
in opposition unfair treatment surrounding the Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) and
the placement of pails in the female facilities. She had declared the
circumstances as "unfair, sexist and unconstitutional" and Larry Snow as a "big
fat idiot". Another of Chook Industries female employees, Laura Hadaway, Head of
the Legal Department, commented on the issue. "I don't really see the big deal.
Sure the pails are a pain, but I've urinated into a coke bottle in a moving van
before. Pissing is pissing in the end, it doesn't matter where you do it." Rita
Hastead has since resigned her position as post woman of the Chainmail Express.
As such Chainmail Express will temporarily not be in operation. Until otherwise
notified, all internal mail will be processed through the shipping department by
the Wooten Brothers.
Jim Shooter said he was sure that
Larry Snow was upset that
Rita had resigned. Larry has yet to release an official comment concerning the
The scanner is to be used for work related activities only. Whoever made the
following scan, please stop by Jim Shooter's
office to collect your toys; you
left them on the scanner. Let this be a warning.
Bathroom Debit Passkey (BDP) system problems: Further complaints have come from female members of
staff who feel that they are being unfairly treated in the bathroom debit passkey (BDP) issue.
On Monday pails were placed in female facilities for the purpose of urination.
Reactions have been that such measures are unconstitutional, extreme and sexist.
Newly hired employee, Rita Hastead of the Chainmail Express, commented, "I'll piss
in the Goddamn sink if I want too!!! And if that Larry Snow thinks I'm putting my
d-cups in a chainmail bikini, he has another thing coming!" Larry Snow has since
withdrawn his suggestion from the executive board of having Rita Hastead wear a
Bathroom Debit Passkeys (BDP): Numerous complaints have come from staff about the installation
of bathroom debit passkey (BDP) system. Unfortunately bathroom debit fees will continue to be
collected. All money raised from bathroom debit passkey (BDP) system goes to buying new toiletries and
creating better, safer toilet facilities. Chook Industries does apologize for
accidentally overlooking that complimentary urinal use did not extend to female
staff who must pay for all visits to the bathroom. Since the debit systems have
already been set up, there is nothing that can be done about this problem at this
time other than the placement of pails in the women's facilities. All female
staff will be asked however to only use these pails for urination. Once used,
pails are to be immediately dumped off Chook Industries premises so that
facilities stay fresh. Once again we apologize for any inconvenience this may
Mail Dilemma: Starting April 24th all employees will now receive internal mail
through the Chainmail Express. Such measures had to be taken because the previous
mail dilemma was never solved. The good news is in addition to Clocky, the mail
sorting robot, Rita Hastead has been hired to deliver all mail that goes through
the Chainmail Express. In spirit of good fun, Larry Snow suggested that Rita wear
a chainmal bikini as sort of pun upon the Chainmail Express name. This will be
voted on in the executive meeting sometime next week.
In the future please do not send faxes to NASA.
Employee Seminar "Robots in Disguise" 3/29/00: Due to the recent scare with
spy cams found in the women's bathroom, all Chook Employees are all invited to
attend the business seminar, "Robots in Disguise". All employees are encouraged to
attend and participate in this fun and informative day. The talk will kick off
with Tanya Senica's paper, "What does it mean to have a secure work place?"
Finally the seminar will end will with the unveiling of Clocky, the Official
Chook Industries robot.
Mail Dilemma: Because the author of the mail to Lucille was never found,
employee mail will no longer be picked up at the mailboxes because Chook is no
longer using the U.S. Postal Service for mail. Only outgoing mail, parcels, etc.,
from the shipping department will be routed through the U.S. Postal Service. In
the meantime Chook Industries will be looking into alternative mail systems and
possibly setting up it's own privatized mail system.
The Book of the Month has been declared.
by Madonna. Selected by Bjorn Carlson.
Last month's fiscal report is available upon request. Contact Jim Shooter if you
have further questions.