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The Employee BBS is a database compiling all of the Chook Industries BBS posts. It includes all past and present memos. Newest postings are listed first.

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  • There will a mandatory head lice check conducted Monday through Wednesday of the coming week. All employees should have been contacted by email as to what time there appointment is. If you have questions please stop by the Nurse's Office or contact Alice Woods.

  • Will Jaffe believes TJ to be in Zone 1 on the survival scale, leaning heavily towards 0, which is death and ultimate pain. It is a good thing TJ was diagnosed early. This means that TJ will be monitored heavily until at least he is in Zone 2 with the projected goal of having him entering into Zone 3. This would then place TJ within reach of Zone 4, so he could become a model employee.

  • Date:  Wed, 17 Apr 2002 08:24:29 -0500
    To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
    From: Louis Bouchelle <>
    Subject:  Mmmm, Dido
    Alice, shall we say, is a very sexy Dido.  Mmmm, yes, she is very sexy.
    Her little body and peach tooshy, very hot.  Too hot.  Makes me want to
    have breakfast all the time.  Lots of OJ and Honey Buns, as long as
    someone didn't steal them.  No?  It would be nice if Alice would come to
    work as Dido more everyday.  This is why I mail.  Alas, all I can do is
    scribe heartache with poetry and paint her soft face on the canvas of my
    mind while while listening to the Dido album.  Please excuse the
    colloquial naturalness of this email.  I have recently installed speech
    to text software on my computer and have been using it.  It is pretty
    good, no?
    Louis Bouchelle Esq.

  • Jim Shooter was hospitalized yesterday after accidently being hit in the head with an apple thrown by Mr. Snow during Mr. Snow's balcony appearance. "I feel badly that my act of the solidarity ceremonial apple throw in memory of Al Miles went awry and beaned Jimmy in the head. The apple was meant to be gesture akin to the flaming arrows they did for William Wallace in Braveheart. And Jimmy, like Wallace, is a brave man with a brave heart and I thank him for taking one for the team. Al Miles would surely be proud in this, our most desperate hour." If you have not yet signed the get well card for Jim Shooter, please contact Pam Ellis.

  • Message from President Larry Snow concerning the Al Miles. "I am very sorry I was not able to attend Al Miles's funeral. He was a good man, one of the best I ever knew. I still remember the time Al threw an apple at principle's head during lunch. Then of course there was Peeing Peggy Sue who we made a fortune of off that summer. I will miss him." Amendment to President Larry Snow's comment from Vice President Jim Shooter, "Mr. Snow thought that Al Miles another Al Miles he knew in high school. As to the dismissal of the Al Miles who worked for Chook Industries, it had been Larry Snow who suggested action be taken against Mr. Miles initially. Mr. Snow has said that he will be appearing on the balcony later today as a gesture of his solidarity with the rest of Upper Management in this most unfortunate decision."

  • Upper Management has decided to release Al Miles from further obligation of employment due to his lurid depiction of drug use and his general negative comments about Chook Industries posted yesterday on the Employee BBS. His position will be filled as soon as possible. President Larry Snow will be releasing a comment concerning this matter on Monday.

  • Date: Thu, 11 Apr 2002 10:54:02 -0500
    To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
    From: Al Miles <>
    Subject:  Easter Theme of Horror
    What the hell is wrong with the Chook Human Interest Board?!?!   Pastel
    Buffy and Scooby Doo?!?!  I seriously hope somebody can help me out
    here, because not only has Easter been over about a week now, but this
    makes the previous six months of the Garfield Chook Spook theme look
    like a work of artistic genius..  Although the tasteful blue writing
    over the company name would declare otherwise, "Easter Time is NOT
    Here!!!!".  We are never going to be allowed to attend an expo again,
    because at this rate no one will ever take this company seriously if
    they load into our joke of a page.  At least we know that the smoke
    coming from the Mystery Van's windows wasn't wacky tabbacky smoke, but
    crack smoke, because only someone with a crack pipe could come up with
    this.  But just because they did it, doesn't mean we should too.  So in
    the future people please stay off the crack and something like this
    won't happen again.
    Chook Industries
    Writer's Guild
    Al Miles

  • Shout, shout let it all out these are the things we can do without, come on! As part of the new work stress management program, each day at noon all employees will be allowed to shout and just let it all out from 12:00 to 12:01. So when the two hands meet on the clock, be sure that you are letting all out, so don't be left out, come on!

  • Recycled paper pick up will now occur Wednesday mornings as opposed to Tuesday mornings.

  • Concern for TJ's mental health after his outbursts of "murder" and self defacing comments that he was a lecher and a mooch in his mail to the employee BBS should now be alleviated. TJ will be required to take part in a special set of counseling sessions called the "12 Step Program to Clear Wellness" conducted Will Jaffe. The program aims to improve both TJ's own self esteem and his attitudes towards his fellow office mates and work environment in general. During this time TJ will be allowed to send mail to the employee BBS for posting, but this material will be monitored for quality control.

  • Date: Thu, 04 Apr 2002 10:16:31 -0500
    To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
    From: Ted Jobs <>
    Subject:  Clarification of My [Murdered] Words
    Because my statement which was posted on the employee BBS has been
    hacked to bits, I have printed out the statement in full and deposited
    it in all employees pigeons holes at my own expense.  Furthermore, [The
    following portion of this message has not been posted because of length
    and sensitive content.] I am a lecher and a mooch [The following portion
    of this message has not been posted because of length and sensitive
    content.]  Murder I say!  Murder!  [The following portion of this
    message has not been posted because of length and sensitive content.]  I
    hope this clarifies everything finally.
    Ted Jobs

  • Date: Wed, 03 Apr 2002 15:23:44 -0500
    To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
    From: Ted Jobs <>
    Subject:  In My Own Words
    I have asked Upper Management to give me the opportunity to give my own
    account of the events concerning my dismissal and reinstatement at Chook
    Industries.  Since I freely admitted to placing the Honey Bun Bandit
    message on the Gauntlet Machine, it was believed that I was also
    responsible for its theft.  [The following portion of this message has
    not been posted because of length and sensitive content.]  I am still 
    very upset that this wasn't all cleared last Friday.  It pains me no
    end to know that I missed Alice as Dido.  [The following portion of this
    message has not been posted because of length and sensitive content.]
    So I ask, who is the real honey and who are the real buns here?  [The
    following portion of this message has not been posted because of length
    and sensitive content.]  In the end I am not a criminal, but an
    individual who wants what is right for all individuals.
    Truthfully Yours,
    Ted Jobs

  • TJ's employment with Chook Industries has been reinstated. Upper Management extends him their sincerest apology in regard to all that has happened. TJ has asked that he be allowed to give his own account of what happened in a set of comments to be posted later this week on the Employee BBS.

  • Friday's BBQ was another great success! Whose Line is it Anyway once again managed to have everybody rolling, but the biggest surprise was the Look Alike contest, Alice Woods taking the gold as Dido. Or wait, was it Dido as Alice Woods?

  • The Friday BBQ has been moved up from 6 pm to 5 pm. If you have any questions, contact Pam Ellis.

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