The Chook Industries Employee BBS Task Force (CIEBBSTF) went on strike due to the Ebola virus scare. The CIEBBSTF's (Chook Industries Employee BBS Task Force) reason for doing so was the insensitive nature of the "monkeyshines" comment. They felt that this was offensive to the monkeys who originally carried the Ebola virus. Jim Shooter comments, "I realize that situation had gotten out of hand when I woke up the other night to the sound of
Static-X at concert volume. I opened the front door to see what the commotion was and was greeted by an airborne stuffed monkey covered in raw hamburger meat." A new staff responsible for the Employee BBS has been placed and the Chook Industries website will be updated as normal.
On Tuesday, 14 members of staff did not show up to work because they
feared that Jim Shooter
had contracted the Ebola virus. Mr. Shooter did
NOT contract the Ebola virus; he has only had a bad case food poisoning
that the hospital has traced to some tuna. Now in good health, Mr.
Shooter has been released from the hospital and is expected to return to
work on Thursday. For these reasons there is no need for the current
"Petition of Health" that has been circulating on email the past day.
This unnecessary panic and paranoia is due to the Ebola pranks that
occurred last week in the staff lounge, which is why although such
things may seem funny and harmless at the time they are done, they are
in fact very dangerous. The current panic could have been prevented if
specific individuals had of thought of the possible repercussions of
their supposedly "funny" monkeyshines. All staff is encouraged to learn
about the actual symptoms of the Ebola virus so that further alarm may
be deterred. Please visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Web Site for more information on the Ebola virus.
Jim Shooter was hospitalised Friday night
for a case of food poisoning.
He would like thank staff for their kindness during this ordeal and the
many fruit baskets he received. For fear that he would not be able to
get through all the fruit, Mr. Shooter has placed some of the baskets in
the staff lounge for everyone. Employees should please note that Mr.
Shooter's food poisoning was in no way connected to the Ebola pranks
that occurred last week. Doctors have pinpointed the food poisoning to
a tuna fish sandwich.
All employees of the Rockville offices are reminded to pick up their
quarterly parking permits this week. If you have any special requests or
previously approved parking validation claims, please see Pam Ellis in
Human Relations.
Plans and location have been finalized for the annual Chook Industries
company picnic. The date is Saturday, June 3rd at Pemberton Park in
Salisbury. Need directions? Contact Pam Ellis,
and be sure to tell her
what you plan on bringing! Don't forget, there will be games, door
prizes, and a raffle drawing for a super special MYSTERY PRIZE!!! See
you there!
The trial advertising period of Trey 'Money' Larson and
The Whore of Ebay on the Chook
Industries Employee BBS between the working weeks of
5/8/00 to 5/19/00 has come to a closure. It is possible that Trey
'Money' Larson and The Whore of Ebay
will advertise on Chook Industries
web server in the future. This will depend on the official evaluation of
this period to occur at the executive board meeting on Wednesday June 7,
2000. This meeting will also discuss the possible allocation of web
space and web services to Trey 'Money' Larson
and The Whore of Ebay at a
set monthly fee. Minutes from this meeting will be available upon
request. It should also be noted that although not members of staff at
Chook Industries, Trey 'Money' Larson and
The Whore of Ebay will retain
courtesy Chook Industries email accounts in case any third parties are
interested in contacting them about their offered services. These
accounts are strictly courtesy accounts and not affiliated with Chook
Industries.
For Sale: TJ's Mail Account. TJ is a chump. How would you like to own
his mail account? Contact Trey 'Money' Larson
or The Whore of Ebay for
more information. Prices are available upon request.
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Complaint Reply: TJ, there is no need to send us 17 mails. We got your
first one and we are addressing your complaints. Additionally, do not
type in all caps. It is not good email etiquette. If you would like to
post on the Employee BBS in the future we would ask that you not use all
caps, because it insinuates violence. If you want to be violent, go
join the NWO, or NRA. Those are both organizations that will let you
type in all caps. Also "EXCUTIVE" is spelled "EXECUTIVE" for future
reference.
-----Original Message-----
From: TJ <tj@chook.net>
To: Employee BBS Manager <employeebbs@chook.net>
Date: Thursday, May 18, 2000 14:28
Subject: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUUUUCCKCK YOU!!!!
LISTEN YOU FUCKS, YOU'D BETTER SEND MY MAIL UP TO EXCUTIVE MANAGEMENT OR
I AM FUCKING WALKING UP THERE MYSELF YOU IGNORANT PRICKS!
Complaint Reply: TJ, we intercepted your complaint and are processing
it ourselves. We are currently looking into the matter.
-----Original Message-----
From: TJ <tj@chook.net>
To: Employee BBS Manager <employeebbs@chook.net>
Date: Thursday, May 17, 2000 15:31
Subject: Obviously this will continue....
Right, I can tell exactly where this is going. To post a post
advertising the exact same thing right above mine, for a penny cheaper,
with a big bloated description, is childish. I am going to file an
official complaint with executive management. And while we are at it, my
name is "Ted" not TJ. Whoever set up my email address made it TJ, not
because I'm called TJ but because they set it up and I didn't. So stop
calling me TJ and printing my classifieds telling people to contact TJ.
Write, contact "Ted Jobs".
Ted
A BUY YOU CAN'T REFUSE: Porcelain Birds. Porcelain Birds make great
presents. Mother's Day is just around the corner and mom is sure to love
one, maybe a pair. And why not shop ahead and pick up another for
father's day. A Porcelain Bird would look great on dad's desk. Is your
little sister looking sad? Put a smile on her face when you
plant a Porcelain Bird in her lunchbox. Bathroom's are such dull
places. Not anymore! Brighten up any soap dish with a Porcelain Bird.
Place them by the bird feeder, fool other birds, watch the antics ensue!
Each Porcelain Bird is painted with extreme detail and has a glossy
timeless look. Price - $0.99 each. And if you find Porcelain Birds for
less money at another retailer, Trey 'Money' Larson
and The Whore of Ebay
will match that price and give you a second one FREE! Order now,
supplies for a limited time only.
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For Sale: Porcelain Birds. Price: $1.00 each. Please contact
TJ.
BobaCon: Are you a Boba Fett and wondering if there are other Boba Fetts
out there? Just what do female Boba Fetts like to do on dates? Well,
here is your chance to find out at BobaCon where you can meet Boba Fetts
from all walks of life. At BobaCon, who can tell what types of Boba Fett
you might run into, maybe Boba Fetts from Ohio State University or maybe
Iran. BobaCon is the first ever Boba Fett Convention to be held in the
United States. BobaCon boasts tons of attractions, like of Boba Bazaar
where you can purchase cool Fettian merchandise. There are also a host
of activities ranging from conferences to the BobaWars where you can
test your Boba might against other Boba Fetts. The question is though,
are you Boba Fett enough? If so contact Trey 'Money' Larson
or The Whore of Ebay
for more information. Prices are available upon request.
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Complaint Reply: TJ, we will see what we can't do.
Sincerely, Trey 'Money' Larson
-----Original Message-----
From: TJ <tj@chook.net>
To: Employee BBS Manager <employeebbs@chook.net>
Date: Thursday, May 11, 2000 13:40
Subject: Unnecessary Advertising
Could the people who run the employee BBS please tone down the
unnecessary advertising a bit. Employees like myself regularly use this
page and it is really bothersome, especially the Java Windows. And
please stop using the ANSI graphics. Not only can I not tell what they
and they are completely pointless, they knock down any other new updates
and nobody reads them, because nobody ever scrolls down.
Ted
Management has decided to launch a full investigation into Wednesday's
break room offense. Though some people may find it amusing to scrawl the
word "Ebola" across the front of the refrigerator in half cooked
hamburger, the parties responsible should be advised that this sort of
behavior is unacceptable under any circumstances. It not only makes
co-workers uncomfortable, but is also EXTREMELY unsanitary. Rest assured
that swift action is being taken to resolve this issue, and that
punishment will be SEVERE.
Imagine something that is beautiful, deadly and a great investment. What
could it be? Shark Teeth!!! In Ancient Rome shark teeth would
sometimes bring more money than a sack of gold. Today they are worn as
medallions of good luck, symbolizing stoicism, enlightenment and peace
of mind. Sharks Teeth are also a great way to protect yourself. Why
mess with messy pepper spray or gimmicky batons when you can just shred with a
razor sharp set of shark teeth? For more information contact Trey
'Money' Larson or The Whore of Ebay.
Prices are available upon request.
Also be sure to ask about our special tooth refitting dental fixtures
and how you can get a mouthful of sharks teeth.
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