It has been brought to Upper Management's attention that the
recommendation for employees to read the newspaper could be
disinformation since this would be the place that disinformation was
printed. Upper Management would would like to clarify that this was a
general statement rather than the riddle of man. It highly doubtful
that the Pentagon or such things as the Office of Strategic Influence
will be affecting Chook Industries day to day business. Finally,
decoder cards will not be going out Wednesday. This was another
rumor.
Employee Complaint:
Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2002 13:13:03
To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
From: Ted Jobs <tj@chook.net>
Subject: Stabbed in the back
On Friday, it was posted on the employee BBS that I'd found $2.55 in the
snack machine (which was actually a soda machine). Later in the day I
was approached by a gentlemen who called himself Vick North who'd I'd
never seen working for Chook before. He said he worked nights on the
cleaning staff and this was why I'd never seen him before. This made
sense, and he then proceed to tell how he'd seen the post about the
$2.55, but he actually lost $3.50 in the machine. I gave him the $3.50,
the difference coming out of my own pocket, because I didn't want to
look like a thief. This morning however I walked by the staff lounge
and there was a picture on the door of the Clown Squad eating honey buns
with a caption it that read, "Thanks for the $3.50 worth of honey
buns". I know I was stabbed in the back on this one, but I'm going to
be polite about it all. Just give me my money back please.
Ted Jobs
Lost and Found: Approximately $2.55 has been found in the snack machine
by TJ over the past week. If this money is yours, please contact him.
To abate recent alarm, Chook Industries will not be affected by the
Pentagon's new disinformation tactics. Upper Management is not even
sure how this rumor got started (being as it makes little sense
whatsoever) and recommends that employees read the newspaper in the
future rather than get their current events from the rumor mill.
If you are interested in the upcoming bus trip to Mexico, please contact Will Jaffee or drop in for his open counseling hours from 1:30 to 3:30 every weekday afternoon.
"Integrating out-dated technology into presentations: making laser discs
and Macintosh Newtons work for you" with Reverend Caroofer, Friday at
10:15 am. Party style buffet afterwards.
Upper Management has decided that punishing employees last week for not
being able to enter the building at no fault of their own is unfair.
However, because of contract constituents which raise certain legal
issues, employees cannot be paid in normal hourly wages. To compensate
for these lost wages, all employees will be paid in comp time for the
period of time they were locked out of the building.
Many thanks are extended to all employees who helped make it so, otherwise
today's Star Trek theme day would not have been the success it was. majQa'
Larry Snow has asked that the following message be posted in regards to the
building lock out that occurred for the past two days.
What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies
- Kurt Cobain 1967-1994
Apologies are again extended to all staff who could not get into the building earlier this morning. A new security and alarm system was installed over the weekend, which prevented the building from being opened up yesterday. The new passcodes were gotten from President Larry Snow yesterday. However, President Snow forgot to inform us that the passcodes for the new security system change everyday. Only President Snow has access to the new passcodes, as they can only be found in the "football," which is always handcuffed to President Snow's personal bodyguard. Once again, the situation has been rectified, and according to company policy, all employees will be docked hourly pay while not in the building. All complaints should be directed towards Jim Shooter.
Apologies are extended to all staff who could not get into the building earlier this morning. A new security and alarm system was installed over the weekend, which prevented the building from being opened up. President Larry Snow was the only individual who had the new passcodes. Locating Mr. Snow to get the new passcodes was difficult, because of a change in plans requiring his presence in Central America and not in the Outer Banks were it was assumed he was. Unfortunately all employees will be docked hourly pay while not in the building. Mr. Snow sends sincere apologies about this and he has asked that all complaints be directed at acting President Jim Shooter.
President Larry Snow will be away in the Outer Banks for the next month
investigating business opportunities. During his absence, Jim Shooter
will be acting President.
Would all employees please clean their work areas or cubicles before going home
today
Message from Larry Snow: Keep America Rolling! I encourage all of you to
buy American. Hell, if it's not a Lincoln or my new cherry Hummer, I
don't want to drive it. Go America, that's our motto. However, it has
been brought to my attention through a recent employee BBS post that one
of my beloved employees has purchased an Aztek. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
The Pontiac Aztek is the Edsel of our time, and I won't have one of
those rolling eye sores boogering up our parking lots, scaring away
potential clients and the politicians we have around so frequently for
luncheons. Therefore, effective immediately, NO Chook employee shall own
or lease a Pontiac Aztek. Also, lot B will be closed to employees once
again, starting next Tuesday. Re-paving will be finished by the end of
next week, so if you were going to complain - don't. I'll be at the Outer
Banks anyway, so don't waste the e-mail system resources.
"Import Only" spaces are designed to accommodate import automobiles,
such as Hondas, Toyotas, or Opels. They are NOT large enough to
accommodate the somewhat wieldy and unsightly proportions of a Pontiac
Aztec. Would the owner of the Aztec please park further down the lot.
