Whoever is faxing Burger King menus to the fax machine, would they please stop. It both a waste of paper and difficult to find actual important faxes among the 30 menus alone that came in from Kinkos this morning at 4 AM.

The fax machine's name is not "Burger Slut". Stop calling it that and leaving post-it notes on it saying that this is its new name. Human Resources has already made it quite clear that the fax machine does not have a name. Contact Pam Ellis if you have questions.

Laser pointers must now be signed out and returned within five days unless otherwise approved.

Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 08:51:27 -0500
To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
From: Louis Bouchelle <louisbouchelle@chook.net>
Subject:  Gore-nography

Hello, is Louis again, writing to you with text to speech software.
No?  I write to say, I am shocked, repulsed and made horny by the
prostitute and dog theme of Easter.  It is genius.  The costumes suggest
the macabre.  I wonder, is this an allusion to Gore-nography?  Would
Chris in the Art Department know?  No?

Louis Bouchelle Esq.

Because of the recent displays of negative attitude, the fax machine is to no longer be referred to as Faxanadu. It seems a great shame that looking cool and getting a chuckle among our friends is more important than trying to invigorate the workplace with something fun and new. If you have questions, please contact Pam Ellis in Human Resources.

This is a message to let you know that your e-mail is bouncing. This means that our system is having trouble reaching you at this email address. If you receive this message, it appears that the problem was temporary. There is no action that you need to take.

Sincerely,
The List Builder Team

Yesterday, Jerome Church emailed the Employee BBS in the interest of TJ. Unfortunately Jerome did not know that TJ was insane. Conclusive testing has shown that TJ's survival rating has now dropped one Zone. The root of this appears to be TJ's recent fixation on the Art Department and a person by the name of Chris. If TJ brings Chris or the Art Department up in other employees presence, please contact Will Jaffe as soon as possible. TJ needs to realize that this is not X-files, nor is there a conspiracy working against him.

Will Jaffe

Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 11:17:02 -0500
To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
From: Jerome Church <jeromechurch@chook.net>
Subject:  Art Department and Chris

Who the hell is Chris?  And do we or don't we have an Art Department
already?

J.C.

Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 11:42:37 -0500
To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
From: Louis Bouchelle <louisbouchelle@chook.net>
Subject:  Scooby Easter Theme

Hello?  No?  This is Louis writing, or talking to you with text to
speech software.  Is good no?  I'm writing about Scooby Doo Easter
Theme.  I like very much, very, very much.  I have a question though, is
Scooby licking the prostitute's breast?  If so, is very nice.  As such
it is a picture for the senses.  Perhaps we should make it our logo.  I
can always talk to Chris in the Art Department and have him do us up
some drafts of the new logo.  Let me know.

Louis Bouchelle Esq.

The server troubles which started on Friday have been rectified on our end.

Since TJ has been making good progress in the "12 Step Program to Clear Wellness", he is being allowed more freedom. As many of you may have noticed, earlier this week he posted of a pewter Renaissance style cup for sale. He is quite excited about it, and hopes that it sells. Although TJ has been allowed this freedom, I do not feel comfortable in allowing him to start mailing the Employee BBS again. Because of this, I have decided to voice one of his questions in this brief status report. TJ had wondered if Chook Industries has a commons and an Art Department. He fears that perhaps that mail was sent to the Employee BBS by accident. Will Jaffe

Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 11:06:06 -0500
To: Chook Industries BBS Task Force
From: Brian Chen <brianchen@chook.net>
Subject:  Names

Hey I've got a great idea, since we named the fax machine, lets all name
our Coffee Mugs too:  like Muggy, Coffetta, Tea-Tea, Crap-Head,
Squashed-Kitten or maybe just I Love Human Resources.

Brian

The official name for the fax machine is Faxanadu! Please remember to call him Faxanadu too, or his feelings will get hurt! :)

Pam Ellis
Human Resources

If you see members of the Art Department stealing coffee from the commons, please tell them to quit.

Chris

IT IS TIME TO GET STUPID!!! With the success of the Gauntlet Lunch-a-thon, tomorrow for one day only, after the games of Gauntlet and sounds of Zeppelin, there will be a massive Dorito fight. So bring your bags!!! Like always, same rad place, same gnarly time on Tuesday with the best $2.00 admission you ever spent! The free-for-all begins at 4.