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Molly Dollars Friday, June 7, 2000 - (07-07-00)

Molly Dollars

Recently at an executive board meeting president of Chook Industries, Larry Snow, held up a new 20 dollar bill and said three prophetic words, "This is shit." The reworking of imagery on American currency just hasn't enraged Larry Snow, but most of America. Jamie Kestler, a waitress at a dinner on the outskirts of Philadelphia had commented, "Those bloated faces are haunting like works of Goya." Although it was the on the scene reporter Crazy Horse Tomahawk who heard the informed waitress's comment, it was Mr. Snow who replied:

"At Chook Industries, we don't endorse the products of Goya. I hate Papayamaya nectar or whatever the hell they call that pink stuff. What in holy tarnation is that sucrose crap? It sure ain't juice; it's too thick to be juice. Its downright perverted - just like the mutilation of American Currency art work. The baddest ass thing about American currency was that it looked real, whereas the rest of the world's monetary unitarians look like Food Lion coupons. As far as I'm concerned, we might as well stuff our new bogus money in the Candylane box and go join the EU."

However, it seems that Chook Industries president didn't feel that the new Ugly-Money was just a matter of aesthetics, but something that extended to Heaven and Hell. Larry commented:

"I'm not a very religious man, but the other day when the speaker dude at Circuit City handed me a one dollar bill with the words 'The Devil' scrawled in Satanic lettering, I got scared almost as bad as the time I was practically decapitated by a stop light because I was on a raised ladder attached to a fire truck careening through the streets of DC at 60 miles an hour. I swear to you, I had an outer body experience of FEAR."
The Devil

Jim Shooter followed up Mr. Snows comments by adding:

"I don't really think that Larry felt that the new money was the work of the Devil. I think he was more of suggesting a metaphor that the reworking of the imagery was defacement of American heritage."

To defend that heritage Chook has decided to stand up for the last paper monetary unit not yet to destroyed with ill artisanship. Larry elaborates:

"So I got this idea, you know how they sold a copy of the Declaration of Independence on Ebay about a week ago? Well I figured this was the answer, since people were capitalizing on American Ideals and because the biggest American Ideal of all is capitalism and money is capitol, the best the way to defend George Lombardi Washington is to make a mint, a big green one, on history. So I figured that Chook would sell one dollar bills on its web site, because pretty soon there wouldn't be any one dollar bills left, cause Satan and his minions of Hell are out there."

Chook is currently planning to make each dollar bill more marketable by incorporating all dollar bills that come into its possession into a collectible card game called 'Molly Dollars'. Rules for the 'Molly Dollars' game will be released free of charge on the Chook Industries web site in the coming months. For now however, Chook will only be offering limited 'Molly Dollar' playing units for purchase on its web site. Each 'Molly Dollar' unit is sold in a sealed paper pack. All 'Molly Dollars' come with an individual serial number. Each 'Molly Dollar' is unique, making every one a collectors item. Start your bank of 'Molly Dollars' today.

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