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B.A.T.S. Friday, May 5, 2000 - (05-05-00)



CRACK! It's B.A.T.S.! They're "Big", they're "American", and the only way they know to play baseball is "Texan Style"! CRACK! It's B.A.T.S., Chook Industries's soon to be syndicated sitcom.

"The problem with the rest of the world is that they don't play our sports. Give me another Miller Lite," keenly observes Crazy Horse Tomahawk, Chook Industries's on location reporter, and he's right on the money. Things are about to change because American Baseball just went abroad. CRACK! It's B.A.T.S.!

Where is American Baseball headed anyway? Well here's a hint: one might say, "CRACK! It's B.A.T.S., and cracking good fun too!" That's right, American Baseball just became the Queen of England's favorite sport of foul-mouthed tobacco spitting players and billions of bloated fans storming the U.K. for hotdogs and 9 innings of grand-slam glory! B.A.T.S is the story of an auxiliary American Baseball team stationed in Great Britain, their rise to fame and eventual downward Baseball. spiral into lifestyles of degradation, drugs, alcohol and failure. The best thing about B.A.T.S. is that it will set new precedent for sitcoms both continentally and internationally by breaking old molds. Not only is it hoped that B.A.T.S. will air in the USA and UK simultaneously, but the series goes against the grain of all prior television shows. "Did you ever notice that many television sitcoms use the same scenarios over and over?" boldly announces the Sitcom Scenario Surf web site. Bjorn Carlson, head writer of the Chook Industries writers' guild, gets in Sitcom Scenario's face with a haughty "No". What exactly does Bjorn mean by his "No" though? Does he mean, "Hey you fucks at Sitcom Scenario, suck on an egg and rotate it" or does he mean, "No, that isn't milk on the dog's lip." The answer lies in Bjorn's motion of reaching into the inner sanctums of his black trench coat and rocketing a stack of papers, which lands perfectly squared, on the desk before us. "I should have played the silly Vampire fellow in Blade rather than that Stephen Dorff asshole" says Bjorn as he stomps out of the room. Deep down we know he is right, because the stack of papers he spun through the air like a Swedish winnowing machine is the script for the pilot episode of B.A.T.S. And is it ever good! But you're gonna' have to wait until the bidding wars are over for B.A.T.S. to see the two hour pilot, seven minutes of dialogue and one-hundred and thirteen minutes of fist pounding action! CRACK! It's B.A.T.S!

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