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PuzzleYums and GekkoMan Sunday, March 26, 2000 - (03-26-00)

PuzzleYums and GekkoMan Delay

PuzzleYums & GekkoMan

In January of this year, Chook Industries announced that March would see the national release of the PuzzleYums and GekkoMan game. Unfortunately, due to a series of packaging faults and non-Y2K compliant software, the game's release has been delayed. However, the official PuzzleYums and GekkoMan web site, The GekkoPlex, will still be unveiled on April 11th, coinciding more closely with the release of the game in mid-April. Although this comes as disappointing news, it will come as a relief to fans that the game will reach well beyond original expectations by revolutionizing video games as we know them. Business Liaison, Kurt Watson, recently spoke on behalf of Martha Holmes and Jerome Church, heads of the research at Chook Industries:

"Everything is so secret these days at Chook, to the extent of Internet monitoring and what not. They even got rid of all the phones over the weekend and now everybody is using walkie-talkies for in house communication. Nobody has even let me so much as see the instruction manual, let alone a sneak preview of the game. I'd be willing to say that the game is in its finishing stages because Jerome has been spending a lot of time on his own art. I've seen Jerome's drawings of the Spawn comic and although he'd never admit it, he blows Todd McFarlane out of the water. The way I figure it, Jerome's drawings are just another front to throw people off."

Although the game will be released nationally in mid-April, the rest of the world will gets its chance to play PuzzleYums and GekkoMan when it hits the international market shortly after. Larry Snow, President of Chook Industries, comments:

"We are a global community and I get a global-ly warm feeling knowing that I am the one and only true world citizen in existence. Most would think that the world is a heavy burden to bear upon my shoulders, but it is not. For the global-ly warm feeling I alluded to earlier is not the burn from lifting on the many Nautilus machines I destroy daily with my barbarian strength, but the warm and most pleasurable sensation I receive when I purge my bladder. Sure Mrs. Mason may have failed my eleventh grade physics project where I powered 37 light bulbs with my own natural hydro power, but she did not know that I was the one and only true world citizen! As such I am an endangered species, like the mighty condor and circus midget. If Friends had been around fifty years ago, the circus midget would have been the seventh friend, but today he is nothing more than a wax prop by the Lobster Boy in the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum. So I roar, for all midgets, small and tall! What though, does being the one and only global citizen mean? It does not mean giving to the children of Hong Kong Atari game consoles as a new mode of education. Warner's Communications Annual Report of 1982 says that Hong Kong is using the Atari to educate its children how to add and subtract. Add and subtract! Do you take me for an idgit? Everyone knows damn well that those children are playing Dig Dug and Donkey Kong Jr. Message to Hong Kong... message to Hong Kong - Get rid of your Ataris as we disposed of our Texas Instruments a long time ago. If Hong Kong does not upgrade its software soon, how will its children ever understand a complex masterpiece of motion picture cinema like The Saint with Val Kilmer? I am grateful for having access to good educational technology, and it is through it that I am able to grasp the profound concepts put forth in this movie. At one point in the movie, Elisabeth Shue, explains to an Ivy League school, 'Imagine a power that can harness enough energy from one gallon of sea water to power all Delmarva for one month straight.' And they think the average American audience is dumb! Har, har, har! I believe that I, like all other American viewers, understand this high dosage intellectual movie, with the same understanding as the Ivy League schools portrayed in the movie. I have good technology to thank, good technology like PuzzleYums and GekkoMan."

Jim Shooter added that Mr. Snow's choice of such a dated article was to show a sense of "timelessness" in the illustration of his argument.

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